Love and extreme cuteness cures cancer!

Just because Michael Jackson was such an inspiration

Healing energy from Michael Jackson (posthumously).

No Bozo's allowed

TO BE CONTINUED...

The intelligence of nature

Every day when I take my walk through the forest I thank the trees (the lungs of the earth) for producing oxygen and chlorophyll, I ask the trees to fill my lungs with this pure rejuvenating and revitalizing healing energy.

Nature is filled with amazing healing forces.  I feel so fortunate that I was brought up in nature and have a healthy relationship and understanding of this.  Once I became ill I knew I had to immerse myself in nature to assist in healing process. My experience would be very different if I had not made this decision and if I didn't have the unique opportunity to do so.

Prior to coming ill I began to create some new work that will involve groups being in nature for healing both the participants and the earth, the project is called "Zen Nature Zen Nurture".

Forced to be NAKED.

                             The Soul's Journey or Dark Night of the Soul?

My art has always been the doorway to my soul. It feels so good to indulge myself to be in this highly creative phase and to use it for a part of my healing process.  The last time I was this prolific was when I was pregnant with Lily.

Through this process of writing and producing one of a kind art pieces, it enables me to go deeper into the deeper layers of my psyche.

I see that I am in a total metamorphosis.  From the moment (and everything that led up to it) I was diagnosed everything fell into place, seamlessly and still is. This may seem like an abstract thought for some, but for me it feels rather obvious. I imagine just like the butterfly trying to emerge from the cocoon, it doesn't come without pain, time or frustration, like all births. I do feel as though I have died, and my previous life is now just a memory (an amazing one mind you!) on this infinite line of the life/death continuum. I am not that person anymore, I don't know who I am, where I am going or what the immediate future will look like.

Obviously I have chosen to use the finest western cancer Dr.'s and medicine available, but for me it is imperative to integrate holistic, creative and esoteric healing practices.  Being diagnosed with cancer is no garden party but I choose to use it for deep healing and transformational purposes.  

In the beginning it was difficult due to the shock of the news and then to be fully immersed in the cancer care process that you must go through to get from diagnosis to prognosis.  It is has been extremely difficult for me to integrate my healing practices due to lack of energy from being in cancer/pain body which keeps me in the dense physicality of this experience. Not only is this difficult it is very frustrating since it has always been very easy for me to access the more refined energies of my body along with having the ability to access higher frequency energies as well.

You can't imagine how much energy it takes to do something simple like meditate or healing sounds.  I know many types of healing practices and I can't seem to access the more refined layers of my body mind, like the meridians, the vibrational bodies or the chakras.  I suppose being in the dense physical layer of my body is the priority for me right now.

I am able to do very slow focused movement exercises, stretches and Do-In, which has helped tremendously with pain, mobility and sleep.

I am realizing this experience is going to take time and right now rest is what my body needs. I am in actual fact doing quite a bit from sitting on the dock in the morning watching the tide, which is a form of meditation, taking in the vitamin D from the sunshine, short walks in nature, to expressing my psychosis (!) through my artwork and sharing my experience on this blog! 

It may seem cryptic but I am revealing many aspects of my life story through my art and writing, particularly this chapter.

This is a rare occurrence that my soul goes this public!




**My art pieces will be revealed some time in the future.  The series is entitled "Gypsy Dreamscapes".  When I get back I will have them professionally printed on fine art paper as I am currently working digitally.  I will then work on top of the printed pieces with different artist materials. The pieces are quite surreal inspired my love of the Dada movement.

The Ebenezer Scrooge Effect

 

As I laid in bed one morning after the third sleepless night at my friend Thom & Saundra's house I had this thought about how being in this space of cancer has given me the opportunity to alter the past that affects the presence that shifts the future.

Since my diagnosis, apart from staying with my parents I have been visiting friends.  It feels as though each person(s) I visit there is a reason that I spend extended time with them. Not necessarily to right any wrongs but to bond with them on a different level and to understand how important the relationship is, ...TBC

Too True.

Stop chasing shadows, just enjoy the ride..

They shut the gates at sunset
After that you can't get out
You can see the bigger picture
Find out what it's all about
You're open to the skyline
You won't want to go back home
In a garden full of angels
You will never be alone

But oh the road is long
The stones that you are walking on
Have gone

With the moonlight to guide you
Feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running
Is the day that you arrive

And the night that you got locked in
Was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

If you close the door to your house
Don't let anybody in
It's a room that's full of nothing
All that underneath your skin
Face against the window
You can watch it fade to grey
But you'll never catch the fickle wind
If you choose to stay

But oh the road is long
The stones that you are walking on
Have gone

With the moonlight to guide you
Feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running
Is the day that you arrive

And the night that you got locked in
Was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

With the moonlight to guide you
Feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running
Is the day that you arrive

And the night that you got locked in
Was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

With the moonlight to guide you
Feel the joy of being alive
The day that you stop running
Is the day that you arrive

And the night that you got locked in
Was the time to decide
Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride

Stop chasing shadows
Just enjoy the ride 

by the utterly gorgeous Morcheeba.

For Regan, now I truly understand.

Unchanged Yet Changed Forever                                             

There is a part of me that will always stay the same.

I can lose my legs, My lips can permanently shut,
My sights turn black forever,
I can watch you burn,
Stand by and see all I love go up in flames,
Or win a million dollars,
And be idolized as I live out a life of fortune and fame,
Both the worst and the best things can happen,
Yet that part of me will still remain unchanged.
And if there is an internal part of me that cannot be moved by external forces,
Then there is no greater proof of the profound truth that through my blood god flows,
Through my veins god courses
God is not merely a he or a she,
Nor is God an invisible force in the sky which one cannot see.
God is you and I,
Both the ocean and the sea,
Consciousness caresses all that is god,
In the here and now is the only place where the divine can ever be.

Author unknown, possibly Shelly M. White

Having Cancer SUCKS.

Having cancer certainly was not on my bucket list.









As genuinely optimistic as I can be at some point during the day or typically night I feel this imposter in my body reminding me that we are cohabitating and the cancer wants to be the primary resident.

It has several guises, physical pain, deep penetrating, throbbing to the bone pain, exhaustion, no appetite, I'm freezing cold, relentless insomnia, that fucking cough, and then there's the image in the mirror. The woman who is gazing back at me is thin, whose size 6 clothes are hanging off her. The rash on her face seems day-glo, although it is getting better. Her hair needs to be cut and coloured. What happened to the strong, athletic, shapely, vibrant woman with gorgeous skin and hair?

But then I must remind myself I am one of the rare few cancer patients that doesn't have to go through chemotherapy and radiation. I don't feel or get sick. I haven't lost my hair. I take a pill every day once a day with minimal side effects which are temporary.

How is it possible to have cancer and feel so lucky and grateful ~ or maybe that's the point???? Is this my get out of jail free card???

For those of you who have been fortunate enough to have never entered an Oncology hospital allow me to express through my eyes how frightening of an experience it can be.

There is a line or a circle of "lazyboy" recliners with cancer patients sitting in them receiving their infusions of cancer chemo cocktails. These infusions are in bags next to the chairs and the toxic cancer killing liquid is fed into your veins.  Most of the people have no hair, are imatiated, noone is smiling, the silence is deafening and the visual is one of the most frightening things I have ever witnessed.

Oh, how I prayed for one my tests to come back positive. That was a longest two weeks ever. I still can't believe I am one of the few people with the genetic marker, I get chills every day thinking about the alternative. 

At my last oncology appointment Dr. Alley told me that when they got my tests results back the whole office cheered for me!

So now we have to pray that the drug works effectively and efficiently for me.  So far so good. Every day I feel a difference. Every day I thank the drug and ask my body to receive the healing properties to rid my body of the cancer.

Madonna - Frozen (Official Video)

Shamanic Healing

A huge thank you to Leo McElroy and Deb Stanitz for traveling down to Talbot county to work with me this weekend. I received very  intense bodywork and profound Shamanic healing. We finished the weekend with the most beautiful "despacho", a prayer bundle. It reminded me of a Tibetan mandala but it wasn't symmetrical or organized, it is
more of a free form, yet artfully placed flowers, seeds, herbs, salt, objects, and more, it was visually stunning. Then Leo & Deb performed a ritual, imbuing it with healing intentions.

Shamanism is an ancient healing tradition and a way of life. The teachings of shamanism focus on our connection to nature and promote the well-being of all creation.

Essential aspects of shamanic life include journeying, ceremony, sacred dance and reconnecting in nature. Through these techniques the shamanic circle embraces us, unifying our lives with strength, healing and love.

A Shaman is an intermediary between this world and the spirit world. They act on behalf of the community; conducting ceremonial rituals, healing the people. 

“Poor sleepers should endeavor to compose themselves. Tampering with empty space, stirring up echoes in pitch-black pits of darkness is scarcely sedative. 


Walter de la Mare, Great Tales of Terror and the Supernatural




I can't tell you the last time I've had a good night sleep. 
Going to bed has become a stressful time, actually I loathe it. No matter how exhausted I am or make myself I just can't seem to get an entire night of restful sleep.
Many a night I stream movies into the wee hours of the morning.

Eating pot does help quite a bit but I try to not self medicate regularly as I am attempting to get my body back to a natural rhythm.

From an Oriental medical perspective following the circadian rhythm and 5 element theory vital energy flows through the twelve organs and completes one cycle every twenty-four hours. The Chinese Organ Clock shows the circadian flow of the vital energy through various organ systems in relation to the time of day. Each organ has maximum energy for two hours. I awaken around 1 am every night which is the time for the liver (1-3am) and lung energy is from 3-5am. When our vital organs are compromised or diseased we are affected during the maximum energy times for the organs.

The lungs are obvious for me and my poor liver has been so taxed with all of the radiation and pharmaceutical drugs.
I have to be careful with any sort of detoxing since my body is so depleted at present.

There is allot of work to be done. It's not just a matter of taking a tablet once a day for the cancer. There is food and supplement therapy and many practices (meditation for example) if I want to regain my vitality and strengthen my whole body. 

The Game of Life aka Russian Roulette

I equate having cancer to the game of Russian roulette. Although truthfully, very few of us can predict our destiny and actually those of us with cancer or other serious illness's may have an advantage, we are forced to choose our destiny along with the collaboration of our soul; up to the point of Divine intervention.

 


We can choose to fight for our lives, make our bodies strong and healthy again, use the latest medicine and technology, commit to our own wellness, make the necessary changes but even then...  there are no guarantees".

I am an anomaly, I defy the stereotype, whats typical, the norm.  I have a very sophisticated education in Oriental medicine, I am an advanced meditator, I lead individuals and groups through very potent and creative healing journeys, I am in private practice, I consult and console clients. I grew up on game preserves, led a holistic lifestyle, I juice, drink green smoothies, don't own a microwave, never eat refined foods, I was  vegetarian for 25 years, I only eat local and organic fruits and vegetables, only eat grass fed beef and lamb from farmers that I know personally, and only shop at the health food store and local farm markets. I have lived in the country side most of my life. I exercise, I walk allot, I practice yoga, I bike and roller-blade, the perfect model of refined health???????

My diagnosis shocked everyone, including myself.

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. 

~Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844













Thank you Alison for the gorgeous orchid that sits in my bedroom in Frenchtown, where I spent allot of time the last two weeks of my illness prior to receiving my medication. It was the first thing I saw when I awoke and the last thing before I spent the whole night desperately trying to sleep!!

Brett, for just stopping by with gorgeous bright, happy  sunflowers.

Andrea, for the gorgeous orchid that arrived today at my parents house. I immediately put it in my bedroom to remind me of you every day! 

Christine for the stunning Lilies!