Down The Rabbit Hole, Yet Again, This Time I May Make It Through The Looking Glass...

This is very familiar territory for me, the rabbit hole; free-falling, twisting, turning then THUMP, I land on my arse AGAIN.

I'm told that I have chosen the path of the soul's journey.

I am no "Day Tripper" that is certain.

Clearly I have opted for "The Long And Winding Road"

The long and winding road that leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before it always leads me here
Leads me to your door

The wild and windy night that the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears crying for the day
Why leave me standing here, let me know the way
Many times I've been alone and many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know the many ways I've tried
And still they lead me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here, lead me to you door

But still they lead me back to the long and winding road
You left me standing here a long, long time ago
Don't keep me waiting here, lead me to you door

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah 

Every time I make this trip I think okay, I get it, I'm good. 
But clearly I'm not listening, and this time it got really  loud - SONIC FUCKING BOOM!

Something(s) about my life obviously wasn't working? Aspects of my life were working, my beautiful daughter, my studies, my work as a practitioner, fantastic clients, interesting and super cool friends (!), my cool craftsman home in the woods in very cool Frenchtown, an active social life, but I wasn't living fully, my truth, my art.

Sometimes I will say to a client or friend "your not listening, how loud or big does it need to get", shame I've yet to take my own advice.

Often were so immersed in the busyness of our lives, as long as we feel content or are happy in denial we just push on. Even those of us who have chosen interesting, creative and lucrative careers and lifestyles.

But my soul abhors contentment, anything mundane, typical, comfortable - my soul has its own flow. It is clear the perceived  "I"  is not in the drivers seat.

Who is the perceived "I"?  The person we see is often not the person others see. This can go in either direction.

Myself, I had no idea that my life was so amazing. I didn't know I had so much love, support and high regard. I received the most beautiful and generous responses from so many people. It is so important to know how loved you are for all aspects of your being and soul. I'm certain our soul's only know love, it is the ego that is addicted to self loathing, denial, bullying, anger, control, addictions, and fear, fear of living our lives to our fullest potential, which is no simple task.